THE VAMPIRE BAT / Majestic Pictures - 1933

Welcome to Wednesday B & W Oldie Feature, today we gots THE VAMPIRE BAT from Majestic Pictures, who capitalize on names Fay (KING KONG) Wray and Lionel (DOCTOR X) Atwill in this wild little thriller that also star Melvyn (THE OLD DARK HOUSE) Douglas and Dwight (DRACULA) Frye!

Uncredited stock music by Mischa Bakaleinikoff and Charles Dunworth and is typical for 1930's. Eegah!! make another nice soundclip to get feel of this very decent flick from 1933!

Ralphie the Tarantula has honor today of push big red 'GO' button to start show, so, here we go!.. DER VAMPIRE BAT!

German town of Kleinschloss having big problem, very strange, villager dying of blood loss!

Burgermeister Schoen read all about vampire from Big Book of Monsters!!

Everbloody 'cept detective Karl Brettschneider think that vampire have made comeback and is only possible reason for deaths.

Karl take a break and go downstairs to visit gurlfiend Ruth Bertin, who work for Dr. Otto von Niemann in his mad lab. Look like some kind of chemistry experiment going on!!

Dr. von Niemann pretend to be nice guy, but he actually need sick lady for twisted experiment he working on!

After he use lady for evil purpose, he tell everbloody that she die from vampire bite!

Here is excellent pic of Herman (Dwight) as he spy on Ruth in garden.

Then Karl show up and ruin Herman' fun.

So, he have some fun wif' Aunt Gussie instead! Oh boy, fresh fruit!!

After Aunt Gussie die of vampire wound, Herman get blamed because he like bats, he must be vampire who terrorizing village! When angry people chase Herman, he slip and fall to death! Now, village can get back to normal!! (poor Herman!)

Okay, here the deal... Dr. von Niemann create new form of life (WOW!) in fish tank and, well, it get hungry!

That why he drain blood from victim, to feed infernal thing! He have attachment to poke hole in neck so he can pump blood into glass beaker!

Ruth overhear doctor while he hypnotize helper Emil to get more body, so doctor have little surprise for her.

She next!!

After beans get spilled, Dr. von Niemann try to blame helper Emil for everything, so Emil dish out a lil' revenge on evil doc and save the day!

Always great when housemaid get last word!!

EL DEMONIO AZUL - Ing Heinrich Henkel - "BLUE DEMON" (1964)

The title sez it all!! This is the original "Blue Demon" flick made in 1965, and even though, he is arguably one of THE greatest wrasslers in history, in this outing, he has his hands full!!

All the time people ask me, Eegah!! Why do you spend so much time on these Mexican wrasslin' movies? Take one look at this photo, and come up with yer own answer, amigo!!

Aye Chihuahua!!! See what can happen!! Now you kids know why your Mom and Dad told you not to never run downhill!!!!

This was not the first film Blue Demon had ever been in, because way back in 1961 he appeared in "La Furia Del Ring," as Blue Demond, but "El Demonio Del Azul" was his first championship role!!!

C'mon Man, you just know you're not sposed to be reading books like that!!!

Now even your girlfriend doesn't believe anything you say, and you ain't going to be getting any tonight neither!!

Meanwhile, back in the ring, Blue Demon has his own cross to bear!!!

Kookie werewolf dude goes through madcap transformation scene!!!

Now what are you gonna do? It's proof positive that reading is overrated, had he just been illiterate, and not read that book, none of this would have happened!!! Less reading, more fornication, that's the bottom line here!!!

The music put together by the formiable Ing. Heinrch Henkel is all over the place from 40's serials to "Forbidden Planet" style theremin electronica! Buena suerte finding a copy of this film, that's just the nature of the beast sometimes!! Take what you can get!

DEEP RED / Italy - 1975

So, here we are on another Tabonga Saturday Matinee, today we feature wild little thriller from Dario Argento with music by Goblin. David Hemmings play as English pianist Marcus Daly. He witness murder of famous German psychic while staying in Italy. Him and hot gurl reporter try to solve mystery and go to haunted house and other spooky place! Excellent story is by Dario and Bernardino Zapponi. Original Italian name is PROFONDO ROSSO...

Mensch! Eegah give us really nice soundclip here, great music by Goblin gang sound like Guzanos!! A few other flick Goblin work on are: THE HEROIN BUSTERS, DAWN OF THE DEAD, BURIED ALIVE, ALIEN CONTAMINATION, NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES, CREEPERS and DEMONS 3!

Tabonga' pet gnat Piff (Tabonga call him 'Piffster') been eating Cheerios so's he ready to push big old red 'GO' button!! Piff straining hard... Now, starting to move it... And... Here it go!.. HAUNTED DOLL HOUSE!

Psychic panel giving lecture, then, wiseguy ask ef'fing wrong question!

Jeez, wha?

Lady see bunch of bad thing that gonna happen... To her!! Not cool!

There is David, drunk, walking by awesome statue on his way home from bar. When he get there, he see the murder happen.

David meet alpha female reporter Daria Nicolodi and they decide on arm wrassle contest to see who is tougher, Daria cheat, but win!! Win is what matter, not how! David get totally pissed!!

Italy gots some hot chix!!

Did Tabonga mention that David supposed to be writing music, but he keep hearing weird thing happening and he get all distracted.

Kinda strange, hanged doll hanging from ceiling... Hmmm, better check for poop!

Should have left well enuf alone!

David lucky and get to find another dead body!

Great shot as David look up at haunted house he think has secret to murder mystery!

Police Superintendent Calcabrini baffled by murder scene and is getting some weird vibe.

Lil' gurl tell Superintendent Calcabrini to watch out for ghost!!

Then, David discovey badly painted weirdo art on wall in basement of old haunted house. It show crazy doll wif' knife!!

Superintendent Calcabrini not heed warning of lil' gurl and pay the price, freakin' 50/51 doll come out of wall panel and stab his ass like in wall painting.

Healthy when kid express sense of humor through art!

Tabonga just love that pic!!

This part is very cool as David walk through mirrored portrait gallery in dark hall of old haunted house!

More comin' on Monday, see's you'se then!

THE LAST MAN ON EARTH (L'ultimo Uomo Della Terra) - "The Wind Of Death" (1964)

In my humble opinion, Richard Matheson's novel "I Am Legend" comes across much better in this 1964 version of "The Last Man On Earth" than it did in the 2007 Will Smith feature.

Shot in Italy, this stark film looks killer in a black & white!! I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fantastic Cinematography by Franco Delli Colli!

Vincent Price puts in another tremendous performance as the last man, Dr. Robert Morgan!! Nothing to do, but count the days!!

Among other things, Vincent has a record player and listens to some swingin' jazz as a way to try and relax, meanwhile, Zombies are constantly trying to break into his pad!!

Here's a "37 second soundbite" to sharpen your axe to!!

Vinnie doesn't get out much, if he uses up the rest of the gas left in the world, he's really going to be in trouble!!

So, let's see, this film was made in 1964, and the groundbreaking "Night Of The Living Dead" wouldn't be released until four years later, in 1968!! Very interesting!!

At this point Vinnie finally makes contact with another non-zombiefied human, and so the story just finally gets started.....You can get "The Last Man On Earth" on Netflix, and it streams freely on the internet, so what are you waiting for, the end of the world???

THE PHANTOM CREEPS / Theatrical Release - 1939

Here at Dungeon, we jus' cain't git enough-o-those ROBOTZ, so today we feature another classic bot from 1939! This mechanical man have angry Republican scary face!! Also, flick star Dungeon favorite hero, Bela Lugosi as mad Dr. Alex Zorka who have all kind of twisted plan in store for you!!

Eegah give us nice little soundclip with some choice dialogue. Uncredited music go to Charles Previn, who have 369 music department credit and work on FLASH GORDON and many other classics!!

Ralphie, Tabonga' pet tarantula, have his turn to push big old red 'GO' button and start today soundclip rolling... So's, hit it Ralphie!.. MAD DOC & ROBOCREEP!

Bela hate everbloody so much he invent goofy an' weirdest looking robot... EVER!! Bela get D+ in art class! Oh, and critique was disaster too!

Bela also invent handy invisible belt!.. Only problem is that sometime he cannot find!!

Hey, don't knock mad lab unless you try first!!

Jeepers, this the cat's meow!

Bela can make airplane fall out of sky just for sheer fun of it!

Not to forget flashback where he find and mine radio-active meteor from space, thing that give him all his power!

Here close up of Bela' death bug, look like where idea for THE BRAIN EATERS come from!!

Then he create crazy ray that warp and melt junk!


...You rang?!

Errr, wrong number!!

Here is great pic as Monte Vandergrift drive Bela around. Tabonga already have as wallpaper, nice!!

Good guy trying to figure out Zorka' invention.

Headline say it all!

Okay, now get ready!! Bela bomb dirigible and they show stock Hindenburg disaster footage from only 2 year earlier!! Daaaaaaaamn!!

Bela can't control temper and so he hassling Monte, who is trying to fly freaking airplane! Well, guess you know what happen next!

Hey, this look like some kind of fun for kidz in 1939!!

L'UOMO MECCANICO - "The Mechanical Man" (1921)

"The Mechanical Man" is a short trip and it's easy to get to! Not a whole lot is known about this Italian film written and directed by André Deed, who passed away back in 1938. Only about 40% of it was ever salvaged, and the quality ain't that great, but just seeing a robot back in 1921 is pretty cool, albeit almost unwatchable at times. This film is available on Netflix, and quite worthy of inclusion in your que!

I'm only giving you a small snippet of the music by Rachel Gutches that was added to this 2005 re-release to give you a feel for it!

" A reign of terror is unleashed by The Mechanical Man, who is remotely controlled by Mado, the evil female mastermind!"

The Mechanical Man chases this dude, and when he hides in this closet, he picks up the whole thing and tosses it off the top of the building!!

"The mayhem continues unchecked" as The Mechanical Man bursts into these gal's apartment and steals their safe by pulling it straight out of the wall!!

It's right about this point in the film where you say to yourself, okay, this Mechanical Man is big and tough, but he's so slow and lumbering, I could get away from him real easy! The next thing you know, he's chasing these people in their car and the freakin' robot is running!!

The Mechanical Man trips and falls down and is destroyed so Mado and her henchmen have to come and pick him up and take him away!!

The next thing you know, The Mechanical Man shows up at a masked ball at the opera house, and everybody is scared at first!

But what do you know? He's a nice guy now, and he toasts champagne with all the party peoples!

The Mechanical Man starts having a little too much fun at this young lady's expense, and when she puts a halt to his advances, he gets pissed off and starts busting up the man's place!

All Hell breaks out now, and The Mechanical Man takes off with his new girlfriend. This has to stop so, the original inventor's brother makes another Mechanical Man, and there's a big throw down between the two robots!!

Behind the scenes, the evil Mado controls her robot!!

And the brother controls the other one, in what is, without a doubt.......

The first ever televised pay-per-view Big-Time Robot Wrasslin' event! What a movie!!

ONWARD OUTWARD INTO THE FUTURE'S PAST!!!

Hey, that whole lotta lovin' Halloween Countdown thing was pretty scary fun, we made some new friends, and learned new stuff too. Whopping enormous thanx to Big Z and the little guys for takin' up all the slack, and all the particpants and the people who made the Countdown happen! Here's a wallpaper I made of some spacey record album covers that got left behind. It's like a commemoration of our launch back into space and some of them other neither nether regions we all like to hang out in!

ONE DARK NIGHT / The Picture Company - 1983

Hello everbloody, an' welcome to Halloween Countdown Finale! An' what a finale it is!! This is first flick directed by multi-talent Tom McLoughlin (not Tom Laughlin of BILLY JACK fame). Tom went on to direct FRIDAY THE 13th part VI, FREDDY'S NIGHTMARES and FRIDAY THE 13th TV series and then various TV show from then on.

Music by Bob Summers, who start career in 1967 with IT'S A BIKINI WORLD, then THE AMAZING WORLD OF PSYCHIC PHENOMENA, BEYOND AND BACK, CHARLIE AND THE TALKING BUZZARD, BEYOND DEATH'S DOOR, EARTHBOUND, THE BOOGENS, THE ANNIHILATORS, ELIMINATORS, BODY COUNT and ROCK-A-DIE BABY to name a few...

Lil' pet gnat Piff draw longest straw so he get to press big old red 'GO' button for big finale today, an' he all happy, so's, hit it Piff!.. doodley doot de doo... NIGHT IN THE MASOLEUM!

Boy, county worker gonna be getting nice fat bonus overtime check in upcoming pay cycle! Flick have east coast feel but made in LA!

Something go terribly wrong at Sewing Club!! Err, correction... Psychic Club! Six gurl and one crazy psychic nutjob, Raymar, all die at scene!.. What a way to go!!

Nice graveyard!

Anyways, estrange daughter Oliva and husband Allan (Adam West) go to funeral of Raymar, where more weird thing happen.

Dockstader was friend of Raymar and he convince Olivia her father really was crazy psychic nutjob! He show her picture of fingerpaint he do in kindergarten to back up what he say!

Adam need big slug o' booze, he thought they want him to play 'Dark Knight!'

Tabonga just throw in for fun!!

Meg (FAME) Tilly and Elizabeth (FAME TV) Daily and the others are all part of The Sisters, a gurlie fraternity!

Meg have to spend night in spooky mausoleum for initiation! Oh well, how bad can it be?!.. Right?.. There ain't no such things as ghosts!.. Right?!.... Hello!!

Time for Sisters to prank Meg, so, they sneak into basement and put on monster mask, to make thing a little more interesting.

Cabrón !!.. Coffin start coming out of wall and opening up!

Yucko, I smell rotten sausage!!

God, me too!!

Raymar still being crazy and all, now he animating his new fiends in dark mausoleum!

Did you know fingernail still grow after you dead an' going to Hell?!!

Just plain unadulterated... EEECH!!!

See, all monster, no matter how different, can get along together just fine! Not like people!

Gurlie pranksters not having so much fun now, are they?! Floating bodies like to crowd you ass!! Elizabeth pull off face of one dead dude! Yucky Duck!..

Wow, what exquisit corpses!!

Hey, some of Eegah' relative!!

Oliva remember Scooby-Doo episode where they use mirror to reflect hypnotic ray back into bad guy' eye, so she give it a shot!

You know, Scooby and gang not really get enough credit! But, anyway, game over for Raymar!!

We end wif' special Halloween crazy quote, kaff kaff, ahem... Tor sez, "Time for, go to bed!" What flick that line come from?

This was one of my sister' favorite flick, so, this also special posting for her!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERBLOODY!!!

THE MILPITAS MONSTER - Robert R. Berry Jr. - "The Mutant Beast" (1975)

I'm wrapping up my part of this Halloween Countdown with what I feel is one of the indiest of the indie movies, "The Milpitas Monster" aka "The Mutant Beast"! What started out as a high school project somehow turned into a classic example of D.I.Y. film making!!

"The Mutant Beast" has many unintentional things in common with our own film, "The Creep," but that's what happens when you film in a small town, and give some of it's residents a chance to make a movie!! That's just the nature of this beast!!!

The stars of both films are Trash Cans!!!

The main characters in both films smell like garbage!!

There's lots of local colour! (Except "The Creep" was in Black & White!)

And they both have a scene where a kid's sitting in a car reading an issue of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine!!

But that's about where the comparisons end because "The Milpitas Monster" was able to secure some club/bar interior shots and a rockin' band! The pretty dang cool music was written by Robert R. Berry Jr. (too bad the sound is so muddy and warbly in spots, but it just kind of adds to the overall effect!)......Some of the grungiest rock we've heard since "Driller Killer!"

They had the added bonus of a carnival to use as a backdrop, and also, they came up with a pretty damn good monster!!

I'm going to go out on a electrical high wire, and say I think Toho might have even approved!!

Check out this shot!! It's beautiful, and would make a killer oil on black velvet painting!!!

If you go rummaging through the credits, you've not going to find very many names who ever did anything in the movies again, but one major exception, was the fellow who got credit for the special effects, Ben Burtt! Ben went on to do a number of things, including getting the credit for original sound effects (Droids and all) in the Star Wars movies, and the voice of Wall-E. and E.T. and also the sound designer on all the Indiana Jones movies!! I guess that pretty much makes up for everybody else!!

I think they actually dumped Priscilla House unceremoniously from about half way up that tower, as a very real effect, by the look of things!!

All the big cheeses in Milpitas have to figger out how to deal with the big stank, so they call the authority, the only man who knows anything about crap like this....

And, it's none other than Bob Wilkins and his signature stogie, the local Bay area horror icon and "Creature Features" TV host. (Unfortunately, Bob just passed away in January of this year.)

Bob tells them to use the "Odorola" and that's pretty much all it takes to wrap this stinker up!!!

Final credits roll to expose the names of practically every proud business and organization in town!!

Have an insane Halloween!!

HERMANOS GUZANOS / 2 Halloween Tunes!

So, here's a special Dungeon 'TRICK' for your auditory taste buds from house music dudes, Hermanos Guzanos! Each tune includes the original cassette cover it's from.

This "tune" has caused permanent brain damage in normal people, so... BEWARE!! But, enjoy, anyway!

HELIUM MAN!

Wimmen, way we like 'em!!

CAVEGIRL LOVE!

MASTER MINDS / Monogram Pictures -1949 / Bowery Boys

Tabonga gets the night off as he's having "swell time" on his vacation in Hell and wants to stay an extra day, so, Rodan's filling in for the old oak stump again... Actually he's exotic wood from some unknown island!

All I can say about our classic feature is, find youself a copy of this GEM! and watch it, you will not believe how cool it is, it has some of the funniest moments I have ever seen!!

The musical director is Mr. Edward J. Kay, with an incredible 328 music director credits! Eegah!! gives up a sampling of music with some great lines from this highly recommended comedy-horror film from 1949!!

Starts right here!.. MASTER MINDS!

Starts as usual, Sach (Huntz Hall) is 'gettin' ideas' from the ozone!

Then, Slip Mahoney (Leo Gorcey) has the big idea of making some cash at the carnival side show because Sach gets a 'psychic gift' after a devastating toothache from eating hard candy! It's as simple as banana peel pie!

The show is billed 'Ali Ben Sachmo' and Slip barks as the girlies dance to bring in the customers!

When in a trance, Ali Ben Sachmo actually predicts events and facts with 100% acuracy!

He connects a long lost dad up with his long lost sonny boy!

Meanwhile, back at the mad lab!

Okay, here's an absolutely awesome pack of weirdos, rivaling the great characters in another movie we've already posted, THE BOWERY BOYS MEET THE MONSTERS from a year earlier! If he looks familiar, that's Alan (Alfred on Batman) Napier playing Dr. Druzik, who's very clever and always one step ahead of everyone else...

Then, there's iconic Glenn Strange as the menacing, Atlas!

The doc decides he wants to change brain content with Sach and Atlas, since Sach is such a genius!!

So, he brings musclehead Otto and they visit Sach after the show. Sach has come out of the trance and is acting goofy, throwing the doc off a bit... But, ultimately, they're taking what they came for!

Wow, William Yetter and Skelton Knaggs... Whotta pair!!!

This part reminds me of BEDAZZLED when Stanley was confronted by the bouncer at George's club!

Thank you, Nikola Tesla!!!

Everything going perfectly, as planned!..

Now, this is where things get really fun!..

Atlas is now in Sach's body, and, guess what?.. He's just as tenacious! Otto and Hugo barely trick him into a cell before he destroys the entire place! The second still shows Sach mauling Otto as he tries to lock the cell door, which takes awhile because Sach is roughing him up so much!! It's effin' hilarious to see Sach as such a demon!

The real Sach now looks like this!

He breaks out of Forsythe and goes back to the gang's hangout, a malt shop ran by Louie, played by Leo's real father, Bernard. You'se can see's the reaction!.. Glenn is miming the mannerisms of Huntz, with Huntz's voicetrack. It is so damn funny!!

Awesome stuff here, waiting for Louie to return from the back room. You can get a DVD-R copy of this movie at videoscreams.com!

Sach gets tired of waiting for the invite, so he shows himself in!

When the gang go to the lab to find out what's going on, they're greeted by the maniacal Sach, so, it doesn't take long before they're all locked up!

Bad Sach harrasses the hell out of Louie and then good Sach tries to reason with the bad one!

In the end, Sach loses his tooth and Ali Ben Sachmo ist kaput, and, Slip's money machine disappears right in front of his eyes. Well, until the next movie for these great guys!!

POPEYE - Winston Sharples - "Fright To The Finish" (1954)

Well, we're coming down to the wire, and what would be more appropriate than a "Fright To The Finish" and a composer with a truly astounding list of credentials like Winston Sharples! Are you kidding, are you sitting down, cause I think this is a record on this site, Winston composed the music for 784 different cartoons!! How do they figger the influence of this man on millions of children's psyche? It's kinda like second hand smoke, Uum, uum, uum! At least his name wasn't Winston Marlboros, or I would really think there was some kind of conspiracy afloat here!

I loves this shot, and it gives me a good opportunity to tell you about some of the othe scary Winston Sharples' accomplishments!

Things that went bump in the night, back in the day, with titles like..."The Friendly Ghost"(1945), and "Stupidstitious Cat"(1947), and "A-Haunting We Will Go"(1949), and "Boos in the Night"(1949), and "Deep Boo Sea"(1952) etc, etc, etc!!

Olive is getting into the spirit of the season....

But the boys have other things on their minds!

Bluto's plan scares Olive Oyl out of everything but her drawers!

But it backfires in his face, and Popeye's overall good sense and strength of character prevail once again!!!!

FRANKENSTEIN’S CASTLE OF FREAKS (1974) – Directed by Dick Randall – Music by Marcello Gigante

Greeting dear friends, welcome once again to the agonizing pit of despair that is Zillagord’s private screening room. Pull up the imitation leopard-skin covered beanbag chair I purloined from the set of BLOOD FREAK and lemme tell you the terrible twisted tale of FRANK’S FREAKS. Yep, I’m gettin’ my FREAK on yet again! But don’t let that scare you off, I’m harmless as kitchen.

FRANK’S FREAKS is a lurid yet laughable Italian impost directed by that pie-eyed Paisan… um… Dick Randall?? OK, so he’s not Italian, but he left his little freaky fingerprints on many a foreign-made exploitation flick, including Dungeon fave King Of Kong Island, PIECES, and LUCIFERA: DEMONLOVER (wowsers!). He also helmed sexploitationers like AROUND THE WORLD WITH NOTHING ON (zowie!). His offerings to the trenchcoat crowd oughtta tip you off to the voyeuresque experience to come.

Music provided by Marcelle Gigante; he’s HUGE in Italy! Not really. But he does have over 30 credits to his big BIG name, including THE EMBALMER and Spaghetti westerns like PRAY TO GOD & DIG YOUR GRAVE and GOD MADE THEM… I KILL THEM!! More great titles!!

What is this that stands before me? After obligatory prologue, we are treated to atmospheric grave robbing scene! It’s quickly downhill from here folks…

This is pretty much the extent of Frank’s Freaks. Doc Frank is so ineffectual in this flick, he needs FOUR henchmen. They’re all creepy deviants with incongruently dubbed voices!

This lil’ necrophile, Genz, is also the biggest perv in flick. Girl’s only been outta the ground for a minute, he’s already coppin’ a feel. Geez, give her a chance to rub the dirt from her eyes.

Genz is always slinkin’ around, leering and peering: a stone creep. He’s played by Michael Dunn, who had the recurring role of Dr. Miguelito Loveless in TV’s WILD WILD WEST. Dunn was also in classic STAR TREK episode PLATO’S STEPCHILDREN and in WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON [link]. Really a fascinating guy, I urge you to check out his IMDB bio!

Doc Frank (Rosanno Brazzi, PSYCHOUT FOR MURDER, YOUNG DRACULA) is the…uh… master of the castle. MOM! I told you to knock before coming in my room!

Frank’s monster is not actually a cobbled-together corpse but the reanimated body of a Neanderthal man with a chinchilla pasted to his forehead. No need to suspend disbelief here folks! Frank calls him Goliath, but you may remember him as Loren Ewing, who played Big John on original Batman TV series.

Frank’s daughter Maria (Simonetta Vitell, no hilarious title to her credit), who plans to wed at Frank’s castle. Where’s honeymoon, BLOOD ISLAND??

And here’s Valda (Laura De Benedettis, EROTIC DREAMS OF CLEOPATRA), who is evidently taking a break from her job as magician’s assistant and who inexplicably falls for the Doc.

Maybe it’s all the booze he has lined up! One bourbon, one scotch, one beer…

What would Herschel do? Hunchback Kreegin (Xiro Pappas, THE DEVIL’S WEDDING NIGHT) carves turkey while flirting with chambermaid! This is one hook-up you don’t wanna see. Warning: you will. Yeah friends, hunchback sex!

Pre-Internet porn! That’s dirty birdy Genz doin’ his nasty biz again.

After his private peepshow, he sneaks into the lab and goofs with Goliath. Doc Frank punts lil’ dude outta his castle. Big mistake, as Genz vows revenz.

Genz makes frenz with another caveman named OOK! OOK is played by—get this—Boris Lugosi!! Take that Marilyn Manson! Greatest stage name ever! Dude’s actual name is Salvatore Baccaro, credits include NAKED EXORCISM, STAR CRASH, and ATOR THE INVINCIBLE. No matter what his name, guy really looks the part, he oughtta be in those Geico commercials....

Wouldn’t you know that OOK’s cave comes complete with all the mod cons, including fire pit and hot tub! Genz getting rocks off on rocks!

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!

All that mud-rubbin’ makes Genz want some lovin’! He and OOK kidnap village girl, and not for darning loincloths!

SHAZBOT! OOK can’t believe his eyes as Genz shows him the birds ‘n’ bees. Really disgusting dwarf rape scene replete with ghasty carnal Genz-grunts. Hunchback sex was just a warm-up!

The moment we all were awaiting: Angry Villagers With Torches! A FRANKENSTEIN flick just wouldn’t be complete without ‘em!

Edgar Allan Poe looking for the Civil War reenactment.

Genz returns to release Goliath, who goes on a killing spree whilst looking for a reputable salon where he can wax that monobrow.

In a battle of the cavemen, it’s Goliath in one fall!

Velda tries to rescue Goliath, but her malapropos polka-dot blouse is a beacon for angry villagers…

As Goliath meets his fiery fate, clever manipulator Genz uses Velda’s sorrow as an opportunity for one final feel. Nuthin’ like cozyin’ up in front of a nice, warm fire. Man, I feel dirtier than a caveman after watching this thing. I’d take a shower, but I’m afraid that little bugger Genz’ll peep me too! I’m FREAKED!!!